"Just being"

When I about 6 years old, I was at a birthday party full of games and cake and ice cream and presents. In the middle of the party, I ran over to my mom, and said, "what are we doing tomorrow?". She laughed at me and said, "Laura, go enjoy the moment. We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow."



Mom was the perfect example of someone who could totally be present in her life at all times. When I'd call her and ask what she was up to, she'd always reply "just being" (usually after I had spit out about 5 paragraphs discussing my high stress level and complained about all the things I had to get done that week). That was Mom in a nutshell. The perfectly content, "zen" woman. She was a great listener and great advice giver. She was a wonderful mom and a wonderful wife and a wonderful teacher. She was loved and respected by her family, friends and colleauges alike.



I have always been a forward thinker. It is what keeps me motivated. It helps me meet deadlines and get my grading done at lighting speed. It got me through a PhD and a number of successful racing seasons. So in some ways, I am very thankful for this part of my personality.



But lately, I've been wishing I could "just be" like Mom. I have started to realize that goals (especially long term ones) can be paralyzing, preventing me from being present in my life and reflecting on and acting on what really matters.



I've started taking steps towards this way of thinking in my marathon training. I've shifted my focus to "one run at a time" and "running by feel" rather than the usual approach, which included mileage and time and pace goals. It has really helped me enjoy the marathon training process over the last 4 weeks. I've had some great hard runs where I've pushed myself to the limit, some fantastic social runs with good friends, and some nice rest days, in which I've treated my body well and let it recover from the hard sessions. And really, that's what it is all about!



I'm hoping that eventually, I can apply these principles to the rest of life. Maybe one day, I'll be able to chill out about passing back students' work the day after it is passed in. Maybe I'll be able to sit down and watch 3 hours of TV or sleep until 11am or just hang out with friends and family every once in a while without feeling anxious that I need to check something off on my list or get better at something. It is a strange and foreign concept to me, and will take time and patience to develop shift my current paradigm. But it is something I know I want to work on. It will help me reduce my constant anxiety and enjoy "living" a whole lot more.

So, try to keep things in perpective as you make goals for yourself and work towards them. Consistently reflect on whether they are helping you become a happier person or prevnting you from enjoying the here and now.



The ultimate goal is finding that balance between "What am I doing tomorrow?" and "Just being".